There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
