Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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