I think i peed on brittanys purse
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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