I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
