I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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