Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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