So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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