Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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