Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
