Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
