my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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