Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
