You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
third nipple confirmed
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize