im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
