Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
