You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
