Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
