I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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