I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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