i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
