just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
