I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
