I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
