the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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