This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
