how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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