i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
