he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
