Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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