Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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