i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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