do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
