??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
