I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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