yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
