She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
