my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
