p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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