Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
