This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
