apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
