i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so let's talk penis.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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