When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
