Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
