Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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