in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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