I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
