if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
