Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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