I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
