Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
