We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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