I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
