and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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