Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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