Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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