"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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