U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
