i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
