dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
