Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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