This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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