i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
there is glitter all over my balls
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