I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
