Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
