it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
