i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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