I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
