eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
