She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
